The L Word
by Pixiestick-cc
Summary: Jessica Stanley has one goal and that is to graduate without anyone realizing she is a lesbian, but all that comes into jeopardy when Bella Swan moves to Forks and becomes the object of her affection. Jessica/Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** When I wrote this I had Anna Kendrick in my head who was a much more rounded Jessica than book Jess, who was pretty one-dimensional (and not as adorably cute in my head). **Warning**: Edward is a bit OOC from the books, but hey ... every story needs an antagonist.

* * *

I was sitting in the back of the classroom, trying not to stare. Yes, here in Podunk town USA (aka Forks, Washington) it would be odd for the girl everyone thought was straight to admire from afar the girl she was secretly attracted to. No, it would be much more realistic to act like I didn't really like Bella Swan, because she was pretty, new to our school, and stole all the boys' attention. Pop culture (or _MTV_ reality shows, I couldn't remember which) conditioned my generation to think all girls were jealous of each other. I was essentially an actress playing a part …

_The role of normal, catty teen girl will today and every day until she graduates be played by Jessica Stanley._

So, when the hottest guy in our class had asked my crush to sit with him at lunch earlier that day, I had acted annoyed that he wanted to eat with her and not me.

_Play the part, Jessica, and act like you care about hot guys._

My annoyance wasn't really that he didn't know I was alive. It was that _she_ didn't. That's not to say Bella wasn't aware of me. I mean, we ran with the same circle of friends, but I wasn't on her radar like she was on mine. This was mostly, because I'd kept her at arm's length … not wanting to do something stupid that would throw away the identity I created. I needed to preserve that character.

"Stop staring at them, Jessica," my friend Angela had whispered from her position at my side when she noticed my eyesight lingering a little too long on the table Bella had moved to.

"But why is he eating with her? _Hello_. I've been here this whole time, Edward, and I'm sure I could give you a much more interesting conversation … and then some," I had whined.

"Sorry Jess, but I think that ship has sailed," she replied and went back to eating her sandwich.

After I graduated next year someone should really give me an Emmy or Oscar for this amazing role I was nailing.

Suddenly I was distracted from my daydream when someone put a cardboard box on my desk. I grumbled with irritation that I was being bothered away from my hobby of crush gazing. I looked over the box and noticed it was filled with items I wasn't all that interested in to thoroughly investigate. Then I heard the loud clearing of a throat above me. My eyes traveled upward to the boy who had dropped the box. Mike Newton. Yes, I was supposed to like him too. I internally sighed. How many lies had I trapped myself in?

I smiled brightly at the boy and he returned my gesture with his own toothy grin. I'd heard that he might ask me to the upcoming dance and had already decided that I would say yes. This bit of gossip had been delivered via third source, like a game of telephone. Angela had heard from Ben who had heard from Mike that he wanted to ask me, so I wasn't sure how reliable it all was, but maybe he was trying to gather the courage to ask me right then and there. He certainly looked nervous enough. If we did end up being dates, I hoped Mike wouldn't expect me to make out with him in his car afterward. I wasn't really going to play my part that thoroughly. My contract specifically stated no kissing, nude or sex scenes.

Thankfully he moved on to the next desk, so I wouldn't have to feign interest anymore or agree to any dates to dances. It didn't take long for me to go back to watching Bella … like five seconds. I noticed that she was nervously playing with a lock of her brown hair. Something was bothering her. I'd seen her do this before when she was nervous or anxious … usually when _hottest guy in our class_ talked with her. I did a quick sweep of the classroom and noticed Bella's stalker aka _hottest guy_ wasn't there. I sighed happily. I was sure that if Edward was around he would have swooped in to ask her what was wrong. It was hard not to notice when someone else observed Bella just as much as I did.

_Stop staring, Jessica._

I moved my eyes away from the object of my affection and down into the box Mike had placed in front of me moments before. I examined the objects. None of them made sense, but I assumed our teacher, Mr. Banner, would explain it or maybe he already had. I had a hard time paying attention to things when I shared classes with Bella. I was a straight A student with the goal of being Valedictorian next year. I really had to work harder on being focused on the right things, before I started to slip all due to an infatuation I could never resolve.

I looked around for any indication that the other students were working with the things inside the box and noticed they were. _Damn it_. I'd done it again. I was just about to whisper to the boy next to me and ask for his help, when I heard Mr. Banner say, "Bella, are you all right?"

At the mention of Bella's name, I looked back up to the front of the class where she sat. She was slumped forward, her hair spread out over her desk. Underneath the long brown strands of her hair, she rested her face against the wood. From the short conversation between teacher and student that followed it seemed that Bella was feeling faint.

Then there was a request for someone to take Bella to the nurse. The initial urge I had conditioned my brain to think told me to look away from the image and ignore that I was being offered the chance to be alone with Bella. But I was feeling extra exhausted from my charade at that moment and told my inner closeted lesbian to shut up. Taking Bella to the nurse wasn't exactly a declaration that I was gay. It was simply a nice gesture and nothing about that would be weird to anyone else. Jessica Stanley did occasionally think of others over herself.

"I'll take her," I said, raising my hand.

No one batted an eye at my offer and Mr. Banner motioned for me to step forward. Bella looked at me when I came to help her out of her seat, her eyes suspicious. Of course, she didn't trust me. I hadn't exactly presented myself as being very trust worthy around her. Maybe she thought I would use this opportunity to be vengeful for her eating lunch with Edward, because everyone assumed I had _like the hugest crush on him, because oh my god he was like so hot._

"Can you walk?" I asked gently.

"I think so, but I might need your help," she replied.

I gingerly pulled on Bella's arm to help her stand. Once I had her on her feet, I wrapped my arm around her waist. As I did this a few of her hair strands tickled my cheek and I smelled strawberries. I had to fight the urge to take in a lungful of the wonderful smell again when she leaned against me for support.

_Keep yourself in check, Jessica._

"So, what happened in there?" I asked as we walked out of the classroom.

"It's just ... blood makes me sick," she said and then covered her mouth.

"Are you going to throw up?" I asked, suddenly worried that my decision to take Bella to the nurse would end up in a situation where I would be covered in vomit.

"I need ... to sit down ... for a minute, please." Her voice sounded weak and I helped her find a spot on the sidewalk where she could lean her back against a wall.

We were outside and I was thankful that I'd managed to take her that far. I figured that at least if she spewed out here it would be easier to clean up.

"So, where was this blood that made you sick?" I asked, trying to make conversation when a few minutes of awkward silence had passed between us.

Although, as an afterthought, I figured it was probably not a smart idea to mention the reason Bella was sick. Hopefully I hadn't made things worse. As it was, Bella required a whole minute to recover before she was able remove her head from between her legs and reply, "Um … from everyone else in the class. They were all pricking their fingers to figure out their blood type. Didn't you?"

She was looking at me like I was a bit crazy. From her perspective why wouldn't I know what everyone else had been doing in class? I had been there hadn't I?

_No, Bella, I didn't prick my finger, because I was too busy staring at you._

I tried to salvage the situation with some humor, "Nah, I'm part of the movement, no violence against students. I was protesting." I showed her my fingers much like someone would do jazz hands, "Ta Dah … see no injuries."

Bella laughed softly, which caused my heart to do a flip flop.

"Do you have weekly meetings, because I'd really like to join this protest group?" Bella said, her face brightening, a start contrast from the anemic expression it had been when we first walked out of class.

"Well, this can be our little sit in right here," I joked and chanted in mock protest, "Hell no, we won't go!"

Bella smiled at me and I noticed that her color was returning to the usual pale skin I'd grown accustomed to seeing on her as opposed to the green it had been. I had to resist the impulse to run my fingertips across the soft skin that made up her cheeks. Something told me that doing this would be super creepy to someone who barely labeled me as a friend_._

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I heard his voice coming from somewhere nearby and groaned_. Hottest guy in class_ was coming to help. Great. Apparently when he played hooky from class he didn't go far. There was no way I'd win in a battle of who will now walk Bella to the nurse's office.

But to my surprise, Bella seemed just as glad to see Edward as I was, "Oh god, can you make him go away. I do not want to talk to him right now."

She put her head back down between her legs much like an ostrich would put its head in the sand and I wondered if she actually thought this would hide her from him.

"Hiding your face isn't going to make him think you aren't actually here," I snorted.

"I know … he has super human senses or something and could probably detect me from miles away," her voice was sarcastic and morose at the same time.

"Are you hurt?" Edward asked when he finally reached us.

"Nope … just two girls hanging out, you know girl stuff," I answered for Bella, but her stalker ignored me.

"Bella," Edward kneeled on the ground and placed his face mere inches from Bella's head. "Can you hear me?"

"I said she's fine," my voice came out harsher than I intended.

At the sound of my severe tone, Edward finally acknowledged my presence with a quick glare in my direction or maybe it was a smolder. I had a hard time reading guys sometimes. He then turned his focus back on Bella and gave her shoulders a good shake. "Bella!" he said, sounding upset. "Did Jessica do something to hurt you?"

I couldn't nor did I want to fight the bubble of laughter that found its way out of my throat and into Edward's face. _Hottest guy's_ hot face scrunched up into a sneer, but fell placid when he heard Bella mumble, "I'm fine."

"Do you need help?" he asked, his voice just a bit too sincere.

"No," she groaned. "Go away."

Edward chuckled as if it was a joke, but I took it upon myself to correct him, "No, she's not trying to be funny. Bella really does want you to leave. I was walking her to the nurse and she needed to sit for a little bit. No cause for alarm … so, go back to doing whatever you were doing."

I was shocked at my boldness in the way I was talking to Edward. I always tried hard to indicate that I was attracted to him, but my irritation was showing in full force. The reason was Bella. I felt a protectiveness of her and if she didn't want this creepy stalker around then I would make sure it happened.

"I can take her," Edward said, totally disregarding what Bella and I had told him. "You can go back to class, Jess."

"Or you can do as two capable ladies told you and shove off. She doesn't need your help," I protested angrily.

Continuing to ignore me, Edward pulled Bella into his arms and I heard a gasp of shock, followed by her ordering, "Put me down!"

Apparently doing as someone wished wasn't in the cards for this guy and he quickly walked away with Bella cradled against his chest. I hurried after them hearing Bella moan, "Put me back on the sidewalk."

He said something back to her and laughed as if everything was a big joke. I managed to catch up to them, but had to keep a quick pace which left me somewhat breathless, "Listen _Don Draper_, this isn't the 1950s. You can't just take a girl against her will, even when you think you're trying to help her."

Again he ignored me and before I could yell to ask if he'd heard what I'd said or if hearing was defective in misogynists, we were in front of the nurse's office. He walked inside with Bella and I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable. I wanted to follow, but my inner closeted lesbian was finding her voice again. She was telling me to back off and go back to being Jessica Stanley the actress. I'd already gotten my alone time with Bella and that's all I had set out to accomplish to begin with. I sighed heavily and turned on my heel to head back to class. When I heard the door of the nurse's office open behind me, I didn't even bother to look and see if it was Bella.

It wasn't.

Edward came striding up alongside me and I decided it was best to ignore him. I needed to pull myself together and not lash out.

"It would never work," he said after a few seconds of me giving him the silent treatment.

This caused me to twist my head in his direction. I didn't understand what Edward meant, but a part of me worried that I'd let just enough of the true Jessica slip earlier and I was now in trouble. I wanted to let him know that it would never work with him either, 'cause he was a big bag of dicks, but in the end I settled on the much safer sarcastic, "Sure."

He didn't bother me anymore and I made my way back to class, vowing to not let myself get away from my goal of being straight until I was away from this town. No more distractions from Bella. Although, that proved difficult when she came up to me later in the day to offer her thanks.

"Wow. Can you believe he actually picked me up like that? He's so weird," she confided.

I chuckled. Bella and I had similar feelings about Edward Cullen and this made me happy. "Yeah, I think he must be a time traveler from the past and not aware that damsel's in distress no longer need a knight to rescue them."

"Hey, maybe we could form another protest group. Our chant could be, put me down, punk! I can do this myself, " Bella said in mock anger.

"I would most definitely join you for this. Maybe we could start at Edward's house," I suggested and we shared a laugh.

"Well, I have to run, but I'll see you tomorrow?" Bella eventually said once we stopped laughing.

I nodded my head, "Yep, see you then."

As I watched her walk away, I wanted to groan as loudly as possible, because there was no way this crush was going to go away and in a small town like Forks it wasn't possible to avoid Bella Swan.


	2. Chapter 2

I had to force myself not to write about Bella. I didn't write about her in a creepy sort of way, pretending we were characters in a story that ended with her holding my hand as we skipped through a field of daisies (although, I did worry about myself somewhat that my mind could come up with that image at all). But I did have a blog … a blog that none of my classmates or family knew about. I went under a pseudonyms and kept personal details out. I wrote about my struggles as a lesbian who was unable to show who she truly was due to family pressure and the need to succeed in school without being bullied for her sexual orientation. I hadn't mentioned Bella on this blog yet, because it was a personal struggle I didn't care to share with anyone. It wasn't so easy for me to admit that I'd fallen for someone other than the unattainable celebrity. Although, Bella might as well have been, because as far as I could tell, she was straight and according to everyone I knew … so was I.

I pulled out my laptop while I was in bed that night and entered into my blog. I wrote about my unfortunate encounter with el douchebageo, which was the name I had given to Edward Cullen a long time ago, but I left out the part about my attraction to the girl I was helping to the nurse's office. She was simply called B. I hit the enter key once my story was over and let my left index finger tap softly against the B key. I wanted to write another paragraph, giving more detail about this girl B, but instead I published my blog as it was and closed the internet. Then I opened the word document that contained the paper I had actually come to my room to begin work on in the first place. It was for English and due the following week. How fitting that I was writing a report on _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_, one of literature's more bitingly obvious stories of unrequited love … a subject that hit all too close to home. I guess that made me the deformed hunchback pining for my Esmerelda. I snorted at the image my brain created that was pretty accurate of how I truly saw myself. That's why I was such a good actress. I pulled off the air of having it all together when really I felt as lost and alone as the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The next day at school the struggle with my feelings for girl B was much closer to the surface. I was near her and when Bella sat across from me at lunch I noticed my closeted lesbian was being much quieter than usual as if exhausted from the effort she had put forth the day before. Bella, with her lovely long brown locks framing her beautiful face, was eating the garbage of a lunch she had purchased from the school cafeteria. I handed her a piece of an apple from my own lunch brought from home and quipped, "An apple a day will keep the vomit from school lunches away."

_God that was really lame, Jess._

I ignored the chastisement from my inner voice and inaudibly told her to keep her metaphorical mouth shut. I was glad when Bella smiled at me, whether or not it was out of sympathy for my dumb joke, I didn't know, but I took it. In fact I took every smile that was hers and locked it away in my memory for later use.

"Don't think I've heard it put quite that way before," she replied as her full lips formed around the apple piece I'd given her and she bit down.

Feeling bold at her positive reaction, I quickly rushed into a question I knew my closeted lesbian might object to. Maybe if I hurried through it, she would remain quiet like she had been most of that day. Without her constant nagging I was failing at being the awesome actress that I usually was … and I honestly didn't care. "So, what did Edward want yesterday, when you sat with him at lunch?"

The question had kept me awake long after I closed my laptop and crawled under my bed covers the night before. Why _did_ Bella spend time with Edward when after yesterday I knew she thought he was a misogynistic tool like I did?

"I don't know," she answered, seeming a bit uncomfortable with my question.

Bella's eyes fell down to the red tray that held her hot dog and fries. She focused on them, not eating, only looking and my body suddenly filled with dread.

_Aw, shit. You stepped over the line._

Oh, there she was. How nice for my inner voice to appear when it was already too late. "I'm sorry," I said, trying to save face. "I only asked, because you looked mad when you were eating with him and usually he just sits with his family. Then you know, with his whole _I'm here to save you, princess_shtick we had to deal with after that."

I was rambling and probably sounded like an idiot.

"Did I look mad?" Her eyes shot back up to me. "Were you watching us?"

There was no accusatory tone to her question, but I took it that way all the same. "So, do you think Edward will ask you to the dance?" I tried to distract her with a subject that I assumed most girls would love to talk about.

Bella looked at me skeptically and opened her mouth to respond when Angela, who was sitting to my right just as she always did at lunch, chimed in, "Hey, we should all go to Seattle and shop for dresses to wear at the dance."

She must have overheard our conversation and trying to keep the topic going, I played along. At that moment I would have done anything to keep Bella from asking me again about the spying I thought I'd managed to pull off so well. Smiling at Angela, I pulled my actress face on and said with as much excitement as I could muster, "That is the best idea I've heard all day!"

"Especially now that Mike finally asked you. I told you he would." Angela nudged me with her elbow.

"Yeah, I was getting tired of waiting. I mean really what took him so long, but whatever, I'm just glad he finally got the balls to ask!" I feigned enthusiasm.

Bella still eyed me with a look that could best be described as suspicious, but when she finally spoke it wasn't to reiterate her question from before. "I'll go with you two for moral support, but I'm not going to buy a dress."

"Why not? Hasn't Edward asked you?" Angela asked.

Bella nodded as she took a fry and put it in her mouth. "Yeah he asked, but I told him no," she said between bites.

Angela stared in shock and I tried to copy her look and make it my own, but truthfully I wasn't all that surprised. Considering she hadn't exactly welcomed his affection the day before, I knew Bella wasn't all too enthralled with her admirer. As to why, well that was a question I still hadn't gotten an answer to and Bella seemed reluctant to talk about.

"What?" Bella laughed uncomfortably at our gawking. "Stop looking at me like that. Can't a girl not want to go to a dance?"

"I think most girls would have said yes if they were in your shoes," Angela explained. " I mean, not me. I have Ben, but those in our class of the female persuasion might punch you in the face if they knew you turned Edward Cullen down."

Bella shrugged. "I don't like dancing. I'm pretty uncoordinated or hadn't you guys noticed that already when I nearly got myself killed by Tyler's truck."

She was referring the near accident that had happened not too ago, when another student almost crashed his truck into her due to the icy conditions of our school's parking lot. She'd walked away from it though and I felt inclined to mention this. "How uncoordinated can you be if you actually got away without a scratch?"

Bella didn't reply to my observation and instead went into asking Angela about what kind of dress she thought our friend might buy. Her moving past my question felt very weird, like maybe she was hiding something, but I quickly shook the thought away. The more logical answer was that I was being too sensitive. Ugh. I hated my emotions. Being hurt by someone's reaction to me wasn't something I was used to feeling. When you were as guarded as me, not letting others in very often, disappointment in how others treated you really wasn't a thing, because they were always reacting to a character. But now, just like I'd always predicted would happen if I ever let that version of Jessica slip, I was getting hurt.

"Where is Edward anyway?" I heard Angela say, interrupting my thoughts.

This caused me to glance over at the lunch table he usually occupied with his weirdo siblings, although Edward and his brother Emmett were missing from among the three that still remained. Much to my happiness, Edward hadn't showed up for school that day and he could stay gone for all I cared. I glanced at Bella, waiting for her to answer, wondering if she felt the same.

"He and his older brother went camping … at least that's what I think," Bella said while rolling her eyes. "He's always so cryptic, like it's a game for me to figure out what his words actually mean. Seriously, just tell me, dude."

"Maybe Mr. Misogyny just assumes your little girl mind wouldn't be able to handle the truth. _Ass_," I said, unable to control my cynicism or the swear word I called him under my breath.

I saw Angela's eyes widen in surprise at the way I spoke about Edward negatively and I could have added something that would make it seem like my words had been a joke, but I didn't. To hell with my fake attraction to _hottest guy in class_.

Bella exhaled and let out a single hard laugh in response to my reason behind why Edward treated her like a child. "I know you're just joking, but you'd be surprised at how close you actually are."

Then Bella stood, with her tray in hand, and excused herself from the table.

For the rest of the school day I felt like Bella was avoiding me and even if the hurt from this persisted in my heart, I secretly welcomed her dodging me. Maybe it would get me back to how I was before … not secretly hoping, because it was very clear to me hoping would be my downfall.

That night in my bedroom, I didn't even open my blog. I knew it would only lead to me writing about B which would inevitably make my depression worse. I had to push past my feelings for her and decided to instead open the word document for my English paper again. Maybe if I reminded myself that no matter how much Quasimodo did for Esmerelda to show his love, she always pined after the egotistical Pheobus instead.

"God, Victor Hugo, you speak to my soul," I said sarcastically to no one in particular.

A sudden knock at my door caused me to jump and without waiting for my response, the door opened to reveal my mom on the other side. She held the house phone in her hand and said, "There's a Bella that wants to talk to you."

"What?" I said in shock, like I hadn't heard her correctly.

My mom handed the phone to me, saying exactly the same name she had before. I picked up the receiver and placed it to my ear, giving my mom a glare that I meant for her to interpret as _um leave my room you eaves dropping old lady_. She huffed and closed the door behind her.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey, sorry I called your house phone. I didn't know your cell number and it just seemed too complicated to call around asking for it," Bella's voice replied through the phone.

"Sounds like laziness to me," I teased.

"Yeah, yeah," she said back with the same sarcasm I'd used. "But anyway, I just wanted to apologize if I came across as rude to you at school. This whole thing with Edward … well, it's complicated and I don't like talking about it when I'm around people who could be listening in. I don't want to get them involved, but I don't know … I feel like I might be able to talk with you about it … so, maybe we could like … get together and I can fill you in on all the gory details."

My heart skipped a beat. Bella wanted to be with me … alone. "Sure. If that's what you want, but couldn't you just tell me over the phone?" I was pretty sure my closeted lesbian had forced out that one. She didn't like the idea of being alone with Bella and what that might lead to.

"No, I don't trust the phone," she said, which was followed by a long pause. "Do you want go shopping for dresses tomorrow ... in Port Angeles? I mean I won't be buying a dress, since I'm not going to the dance, but I can help you find yours and then we can talk ... in a place that I don't feel like others will be listening."

"Sure!" I said probably just a bit too quickly. "Just gotta get the ok from my parents, but what about Angela?"

"We don't have to tell her," Bella said. "Anyway, call and let me know if anything changes." She was quiet for a few seconds and then said in a voice that sounded drenched with relief, "Thanks, Jess ... it will be nice to finally talk to someone about ... Edward."

"Yeah, that's me, your friendly neighborhood ear to listen to all things douchebag guys."

Bella laughed and thanked me again.

"Yeah, no problem. I guess I'll see you later," I replied, as a feeling of nausea swept over me from the butterflies trying to escape my stomach.

"Bye." Bella hung up and I was met with the sound of a dial tone.

"Bye," I whispered back, before racing out of my room to the toilet, so that I could vomit all my nervousness out.

I was going to hang out with Bella alone tomorrow. How had things changed so drastically from yesterday when my goal had been to avoid my crush? Now I was being offered the opportunity to torture myself even further and as much as I knew falling deeper into a friendship with her would hurt me in the long run, I couldn't stop myself from diving headfirst into my future sorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: Sorry it took me so long to update. I was stuck on another fic and it was hard to get out of that mindset. I'm still not finished with it, but became a bit burnt out. I decided it was time to revisit this one. I reworked the last chapter just a bit, but not enough to dramatically change the story. This chapter is somewhat short, but I promise to have a longer one soon.

* * *

Bella didn't want to chance her old-timey truck breaking down on the way to Port Angeles, which meant I had to get permission from my parents to borrow their older and less used second car. There were a few grumbles from them at first, because I had never been entrusted to their vehicle to go anywhere other than around Forks. Although, they relented when I mentioned I would be traveling with the sheriff's daughter. Apparently nothing could go wrong when I would be hanging out with the child of the only law enforcement Forks could put a face on. I'm sure they doubted my capability of engaging in any teenage shenanigans while with Bella anyway, since I wasn't known for trouble and they assumed I wouldn't want to irk the town sheriff.

_What if it was some romantic shenanigans? Would you care then?_

I quickly hid this thought away, because yes, my ultra-conservative parents would care and no, Bella wouldn't entertain the thought of our trip becoming some dumb romantic comedy like I secretly wanted. She would trip on some crack in the sidewalk and fall into my arms. "We have to stop meeting like this," I would joke and this would eventually lead to her kissing me, while the camera panned out, an upbeat pop song playing in the background.

Ugh, why was I doing this to myself and what was the point? What was the point of me thinking this, but also what was the point in going on an excursion to the largest city near Forks to talk about Bella's guy problems? I didn't care about her weird relationship with Edward. I cared about a relationship that could never materialize.

But, I knew that wasn't entirely true. I _was_ curious about the mystery surrounding Bella's feelings for Edward, since they seemed to be one big contradiction. On the other hand, if I had to hear that theirs was one of those love/hate relationships then I wasn't sure I could stomach hearing the story. Me throwing up the night before over nervousness would surely turn into me wanting to throw up over her declarations that despite being a controlling _Mad Men_-esque misogynist, Edward was actually a really caring guy.

When I went to pick Bella up, she came out the door dressed in her normal attire that stated, _I don't really care what you think of my clothes, but I'll dress up just enough that you won't comment on it. _It didn't work, because I ended up remarking rather idiotically, "Thanks for dressing up for our date. I can see you took time selecting your best outfit."

My closeted lesbian stayed silent, but my heart flipped at my boldness, even if I had delivered my words with sarcasm. "Only the best for you, random band T shirt and skinny jeans purchased at a second hand store," Bella quipped back and I internally sighed.

"What's the band?" I asked as Bella closed the door to the tiny car that my parents only used as backup.

"Oh, some local one my mom drug me to at some point. She was always trying to stay _young_ and _cool_," Bella said, using air quotes around the adjectives her mom had obviously clung to.

I snorted as I maneuvered the car out of Bella's driveway and onto the road. "At least she was trying. My parents are as old fashioned as an episode of _Leave it to Beaver_."

Bella shrugged. "Well, you know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side. My mom was kind of the child in our relationship. When she got remarried it was the main reason I moved to Forks, because I no longer felt the need to take care of her. She has Phil to do that for her now."

"Well, what kind of music do you like to listen to?" I asked, changing the subject, trying to keep our conversation from turning morose so quickly by talking about our parents.

Forgetting for a second where I was, I turned the car radio on only to hear the noise of loud church hymns blasting from the car speakers. I quickly hit the button that pushed the cassette tape out and switched to the radio. "Sorry." I stuck my tongue out to express my displeasure with the music.

Bella laughed. "Uh, not that kind of music. Who even has a cassette deck anymore?"

"My old fashioned parents," I replied, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

Bella smiled and I made note of how beautiful it looked on her, before turning my eyes back to the road in front of me. I found some generic station that played top 40 hits and Bella seemed okay with it at first, but then after a few minutes asked if she could switch stations. "Go ahead," I replied and was surprised when she settled on classical.

"I'm sorry, but I feel calm when I listen to classical," she explained when I gave her a look of surprise.

"Are you nervous?" I asked, my eyes still forward.

"Not really, just … I don't know. I'm worried for you, I guess. About what my telling you will get you involved in," Bella said in a voice that verged on being a whisper.

_You're worried about me?!_

My heart pounded inside my chest at the thought that Bella was thinking about me enough to be concerned. I glanced at her and saw that she was chewing her bottom lip … Bella's telltale sign of being upset. "Hey, don't think about me." I waved flippantly in her direction with my right hand. "I'm here for you and we don't even have to start out this trip talking about _him_. Let's just get to Port Angeles, be typical teenage girls out for some fun shopping, and then you can tell me whatever it is when you're ready."

"Thanks, Jess. Thanks for being a good friend. I don't have many here," she replied after a few seconds transpired while a dead composer on the radio filled the space between us.

I wanted to reply with some heartfelt declaration that stated my deep feelings for her, but the voice of reason inside my brain pushed forth with the very platonic, "Yeah, whatever," and I shrugged off the seriousness of her appreciation with my trademark sarcasm.

When she didn't respond right away, I laughed to show Bella I was joking and she echoed my humor with her own soft chuckle. Then I continued down the road towards Port Angeles, wondering what the day held for us.


End file.
